Something that we're seeing more and more of online, is the world of self-development.
It's everywhere from Will Smith, to love him or hate him Jay Shetty, and hundreds of feel good 'know your worth' style memes.
All of this on top of the more traditional self-development coaches, speakers and writers.
And while this is all great...how do you know where to start when it comes to your own self-development? I mean, reading a positive and uplifting meme every day is great - but is it really going to change your life?
Likewise how do you know that this book, or that course, or programme is actually going to help YOU.
Well, you don't know...so you end up drifting from one thing to the next, trying out all of these different approaches to self-development. You may attend seminars or talks in your spare time, you'll listen to inspirational podcasts on your way to work..and you'll read books at night that promise to help improve your life...
And your life does improve a little...
But never as much as you'd hoped...and it doesn't feel very permanent either.
As soon as another big life challenge comes your way, you feel like you're back to square one and doomed to stay in this limited, negative state of mind forever.
However, something really beautiful that I've noticed recently with clients who have done all of the above for many years - but were still searching for that 'something' that was really going to improve their lives; is how things start to shift for them when they learn about the Inside-Out Paradigm of Psychology.
You can actually see the change in their face...
They go from living in a state of complete overwhelm, where they're close to breaking down in tears at any given moment, with no real hope of positive, permanent change...to suddenly looking 'lighter' and less burdened.
They're able to start making sense of things more easily in their lives...and no longer look plagued by worry and anxiety about the future. They're much better able to deal with whatever challenge they're facing, without breaking down - or needing to be in complete control of everything.
They're visibly more content and more at peace with life.
They're genuinely happy.
And all of this comes from a simple but powerful understanding of how your mind really works...and where your feelings actually come from - and where they absolutely do not come from.
Understanding how your mind works doesn't take years of self-development practices, or lots of 'inner-game' work...it's so much simpler than that. You just need to sit and listen to the truth of how you actually work...and then see this truth playing out in your own life.
It's like putting on a pair of new transformational glasses and seeing the same world that you've been living in all this time, through a totally different lens. And a life-changing lens at that...
So if you're like these clients who have been desperately seeking the form of self-development that's *really* going to change things for you; then know that it starts and ends with the Inside-Out Paradigm of Psychology.
It's the foundation of all my coaching in my Effortless Relationships live online monthly coaching programme. This programme not only focuses on marriage and personal relationships - but also on the most important relationship you can have - the one with yourself.
Because if you're not in a good place yourself, then what hope is there for any of your other relationships...
This programme is also my way of ensuring that this powerful, life-changing truth reaches as many people as possible (which is also why it's priced ridiculously low).
Here's where to go find out all the details:
And then I hope to see you on the other, life-changing side, in our next Effortless Relationships coaching call on Monday 2nd December 🙂
Something that my clients can struggle with when they're going through a particularly tough time, is the fact that their friends and family are talking about them...
Everything about their lives is out in the open, and knowing that everyone is talking about it is one extra burden that they just don't want to deal with.
And whilst things may die down eventually, there always seems to be one person, or maybe a few people, who never seem to lose interest in 'discussing' what's going on in your life. Every step of the way, you can pretty much guarantee that they're going to have an opinion - and through the grapevine you're going to find out what that opinion is. Welcome or not..
So how do you stop this?
How do you get these people to take their noses out of your business and stop talking about you once and for all...
You could try telling them directly not to talk about you like one client did...but with very limited success, because as soon as something 'interesting' happened the gossiping started up all over again.
Not to mention how hard it would be to try and police what others are saying when you're not around...
Or, you could realise that when people are talking about you in this way, it actually has nothing to do with you.
Deep down, it’s their way of feeling a bit better about themselves.
All of this judgmental thinking and talking about you comes from only one place - and that's the nafs, the ego. And the ego has a very clever way of making us believe that we need to do or have certain things, or be a certain way, in order to feel good about ourselves.
Likewise it tricks us into believing that if we don't do/have/say certain things, then we won't feel OK.
And it's this illusion that leads us to do things like talk about other people negatively, because it gives us a temporary boost in feeling better about ourselves - because they're supposedly doing worse than us in whatever aspect of life we've focused on.
But the temporary feeling is just that, and so to keep it around it needs regular boosting, by you guessed it, continuing to talk about others.
It's only when people start to understand the real source of feeling, and see clearly that their feelings of well-being and feeling good about themselves can only come from one place; that they stop paying attention to their nafs/ego and all of the desires that come from this place.
They stop doing things that they innocently believed would make them feel better about themselves (like talking about others); because they realise it just doesn't work that way.
They realise that those good feelings can only ever come from thought in the moment...and not from anything outside of that.
But until people realise this powerful truth for themselves, they're going to continue doing the things that they innocently, but incorrectly believe will make them feel good about themselves..
And the best thing we can do, as the one being talked about - is realise that this is what's actually happening and how it has absolutely nothing to do with us at all.
It’s just a reflection of their own state of thinking and feeling in the moment.
You could be achieving great things in life and doing really well - and people will talk about you. Likewise you could be doing not so great and having a really tough time of things - and people will still talk about you.
It’s actually got nothing to do with you.
It's them needing to feel good about themselves...
So with that in mind, you're free to completely ignore and pay no attention whatsoever to anything negative that anyone has to say about you...because it's really not about you at all.
If you know that this makes sense, but you also know that you're going to find it hard to live by this in your own life; then you should definitely join us in our next Effortless Relationships live monthly coaching session. We regularly delve deep into topics like this, so that you can live your life with less of a burden on your shoulders, and feel more at peace with where you are in your own life.
And you get to be coached by me 1-1 too :)
Here are all the details to join before we go live on Monday 2nd December: