It sat there looking like new for so long.
My parents bought me that table.
And now it sits there, with one chair broken, its leg split and a danger to anyone who attempts to sit on it. My poor table.
My poor mug...it had never known such force before. And now it lies there in pieces, shattered from the force of hitting the wall. Leaving a dent in my new white wall. My poor wall.
My poor bin...it served me well, but ended up getting kicked and beaten until it was no longer able to function.
My poor chin.
Pushed and poked for no other reason than disagreeing with what he said.
My poor shoulder.
Pushed with such force whilst holding my son, that I fell back several steps but thankfully didn’t drop him.
My poor head.
Buried under all the clothes from my wardrobe, thrown over me for apparently not being tidy enough.
My poor thigh.
Whacked over and over for daring to agree to a play date for my son.
My poor headscarf.
Grabbed and pulled because whacking my thigh wasn’t enough.
My poor parents.
Waiting for me to show up for lunch. Unaware that I was being physically abused in the car ride over and instead had to turn back home, in order to not worry them.
My poor back.
Pushed hard against the wall for giving him the silent treatment for treating me so badly.
My poor eye.
My poor lips.
My poor nose.
My poor unborn baby, inside me whilst his mother suffered abuse at the hands of his father...
Slowly but surely.
It’s only ever heading one way.
And that’s in the direction of more abuse.
At what point do we step back and realise that this is not love and this is not why we were created, to be abused and dominated by our partner.
At what point do we stop and reflect on the damage the relationship is causing to our emotional and physical well-being - and that of our children.
At what point do we step up and reach out for support. Support that will help move us towards the life of calm, happiness and peace that we all deserve and that we can all have.
At what point do we stop and say enough is enough?
If you’re unsure about your relationship and feel stuck, not knowing what to do or how to move forward, then access my free webinar 'How to know for sure whether or not to leave your marriage'. It's packed with valuable and insightful information, that will help free of you the challenges that can make us feel so stuck, as if there is no way out. But there is light at the end of the tunnel. Click here to take that first step.
With all my love and support,
I used to dread my husband asking me this question.
We were three years into our marriage and I lost count of the number of times I thought to myself, that if I had my time again, I would definitely not marry him.
And it was a really easy and decisive NO. I knew with certainty that I would not choose to do it again.
And that's why I dreaded him asking me, because I wasn't sure I'd be able to confidently lie...
Now surely that was a really telling sign that things weren't great and perhaps we shouldn't have been married to each other full stop.
Perhaps that question tells you everything you need to know?
Are you brave enough to answer it?
If the answer is no, then why? What are the reasons? Are they things you can change or work on?
And if it's a yes, then you know you have a pretty solid foundation to continue building upon, even if you're dealing with some really challenging issues.
Whatever the answer, it can make you look at your relationship from a (much needed) different perspective.
If you had the chance to do it all again, what would you change?
And more importantly, what does this tell you about your relationship?
P.S. Want to dig deeper? Then click here because I have just the thing for you.
Connect with me via my Facebook page: @Ptissemcoach
A friend once asked me if I wasn't lonely by myself now that I was divorced.
Before I had a chance to reply my other friend chimed in and said "Oh don't worry about Ptissem, just give her a good book and she's happy".
I didn't reply to her, because in my head I was thinking 'She doesn't know me like she used to because that's not what I do with my spare time anymore'.
But then it hit me.
It wasn't my friend who didn't know me anymore, it was me.
She knew me before marriage and children and knew what I loved to do. It got me thinking about all the other little things I used to love doing, but I had somehow become completely detached from over the years, until I'd got the point where I was just a wife and mother.
Now I don't say this negatively; it's an honour to be a mother and with the right person, being a wife is wonderful.
But what about you aside from that? Is there even a you?
For me the realisation was no, there was no sense of 'me' to be found anywhere anymore.
And I realised I really missed that, I really missed me. How do I get her back?
How do you get 'you' back?
How can you make time for yourself when most days you're lucky if you even manage to shower?
Family life is exhausting. It can seem impossible to find the time and will to see to yourself when you have so many other demands on you.
There are many practical steps you can take to find yourself again.
But there is one, very simple, but transformational spiritual step you can take, that will deeply impact how you see yourself forever and ensure that you never lose 'you' again. In fact, it will transform you into the best version of yourself.
To find out more, join me and Kathryn Jones on the 23rd February at the ME First Revolution and get back in touch with your best self.
Connect with me on Facebook: @Ptissemcoach
My ex-neighbour from hell recently appeared on the Jeremy Kyle chat show.
It was a stark reminder of how for 18 months, her and her gang of drug-taking, fist-fighting and house-robbing friends, made my life hell.
I’d already fled my marital home due to domestic violence, I’d had to spend 5 months in a women’s refuge - pregnant and with my then 3 year old; before I was able to make this new start, in this new house, and finally start moving forward in life.
It was all supposed to be positive from here on in. The struggle was over now, surely?
Except it wasn’t.
I ended up with a newborn who decided that sleeping at night was completely overrated, and so I suffered from sleep deprivation for the best part of a year.
As a single mum, I suddenly had to do everything for both children and had zero time left for me. Finding time to shower became a luxury.
So when I was suddenly landed with the neighbours from hell, I couldn’t believe my luck (or lack of).
Not only did they regularly jolt me out of bed in the middle of the night with their domestics and street fighting, but they also took it upon themselves to leave their human faeces on more than one occasion, in my own back garden.
Life couldn’t have got more sh*t. Pun intended.
What had happened to my fresh start? Weren’t things supposed to be better from now on? Now that I’d actually made the decision to go it alone and sorted out all the logistics of making that happen.
Why were things still not falling into place?
What I came to realise through this experience, is that life doesn’t go according to some programme we have in our minds. That once we’re done with the difficult parts, life automatically gets easier.
In life, we never know what is going to be thrown at us. Be that ‘good’, or ‘bad’.
What we can do however, is be ready.
Ready to handle anything that comes our way, and (effortlessly) fight it head on with nothing more than the tools that we’ve already been blessed with.
We just need a little bit of training, to get really good at understanding the special tool we already have in our psychological toolbox - and seeing exactly how it works in our own lives.
This psychological tool equips us with everything we need to deal with the day to day struggles in life, and come out the other side as (very happy and very contented) survivors.
If you’re struggling right now and can’t see how things can get better for you, then join me and Kathryn Jones on the 23rd February at the ME First Revolution, where I’ll be speaking about how you can move away from a place of suffering, to a place of peace and contentment with life.
Because I promise you, life doesn’t have to be a struggle. There is a better and easier way.
P.S. And for the record, I don’t watch Jeremy Kyle ;-)
Connect with me via my Facebook page: @Ptissemcoach
This is a phrase I've unfortunately heard a lot.
My parents innocently dropped this phrase into conversation whenever they spoke to someone about my second, failed marriage.
They said it directly to me too - "Ptissem, you have no luck".
I used to wish they'd say something else, something that didn't make me feel so helpless or like that last bit of hope that I was clinging onto was being washed away.
It's true, I don't have much luck in life, I'd end up agreeing in my mind.
It's such a casual comment, but it's loaded with negative assumptions that slowly start to seep into your way of thinking and your perception of life.
'Nothing I do ever works out'
'Why do others have all the luck and I don't have any?'
'Why has this happened to me when I'm a good person?
'What's the point in trying to do anything now, it's not going to work out for me'
'I'm just one of those unlucky people; I'll just have to deal with it and not expect much from life moving forward'
For such a casual comment, that's a lot of damage to your way of thinking and ultimately your emotional well-being.
How can anyone positively move forward in their lives when all of these limiting beliefs are slowly simmering under the surface?
The truth is, you're not unlucky, at all. You just had a bad experience. And that bad experience has zero effect on how you can move forward with life.
A simple shift in how you look at things can have such a dramatic effect on how you move forward.
A simple shift in perception can totally transform your way of thinking and free you of these made-up, limiting beliefs that do nothing but help you drown in sorrow.
If you'd like to experience the simple but powerful shift that will completely transform your life, allow you to drop these debilitating beliefs and instead move forward with positivity and self-assurance; then join me and Kathryn Jones on the 23rd February at the ME First Revolution.
Connect with me on Facebook: @ptissemcoach