Something that my clients can struggle with when they're going through a particularly tough time, is the fact that their friends and family are talking about them...
Everything about their lives is out in the open, and knowing that everyone is talking about it is one extra burden that they just don't want to deal with.
And whilst things may die down eventually, there always seems to be one person, or maybe a few people, who never seem to lose interest in 'discussing' what's going on in your life. Every step of the way, you can pretty much guarantee that they're going to have an opinion - and through the grapevine you're going to find out what that opinion is. Welcome or not..
So how do you stop this?
How do you get these people to take their noses out of your business and stop talking about you once and for all...
You could try telling them directly not to talk about you like one client did...but with very limited success, because as soon as something 'interesting' happened the gossiping started up all over again.
Not to mention how hard it would be to try and police what others are saying when you're not around...
Or, you could realise that when people are talking about you in this way, it actually has nothing to do with you.
Deep down, it’s their way of feeling a bit better about themselves.
All of this judgmental thinking and talking about you comes from only one place - and that's the nafs, the ego. And the ego has a very clever way of making us believe that we need to do or have certain things, or be a certain way, in order to feel good about ourselves.
Likewise it tricks us into believing that if we don't do/have/say certain things, then we won't feel OK.
And it's this illusion that leads us to do things like talk about other people negatively, because it gives us a temporary boost in feeling better about ourselves - because they're supposedly doing worse than us in whatever aspect of life we've focused on.
But the temporary feeling is just that, and so to keep it around it needs regular boosting, by you guessed it, continuing to talk about others.
It's only when people start to understand the real source of feeling, and see clearly that their feelings of well-being and feeling good about themselves can only come from one place; that they stop paying attention to their nafs/ego and all of the desires that come from this place.
They stop doing things that they innocently believed would make them feel better about themselves (like talking about others); because they realise it just doesn't work that way.
They realise that those good feelings can only ever come from thought in the moment...and not from anything outside of that.
But until people realise this powerful truth for themselves, they're going to continue doing the things that they innocently, but incorrectly believe will make them feel good about themselves..
And the best thing we can do, as the one being talked about - is realise that this is what's actually happening and how it has absolutely nothing to do with us at all.
It’s just a reflection of their own state of thinking and feeling in the moment.
You could be achieving great things in life and doing really well - and people will talk about you. Likewise you could be doing not so great and having a really tough time of things - and people will still talk about you.
It’s actually got nothing to do with you.
It's them needing to feel good about themselves...
So with that in mind, you're free to completely ignore and pay no attention whatsoever to anything negative that anyone has to say about you...because it's really not about you at all.
If you know that this makes sense, but you also know that you're going to find it hard to live by this in your own life; then you should definitely join us in our next Effortless Relationships live monthly coaching session. We regularly delve deep into topics like this, so that you can live your life with less of a burden on your shoulders, and feel more at peace with where you are in your own life.
And you get to be coached by me 1-1 too :)
Here are all the details to join before we go live on Monday 2nd December: