Something that we all fall into after divorce, is searching for a new relationship prematurely.
We're so used to living with someone, and having a partner around all the time, that it can feel really weird and uncomfortable when we're alone.
Especially if we start looking at other couples, either in our circle of friends and family, in movies, on Instagram etc etc. Wherever we turn there's bound to a happy couple somewhere seemingly shoving their happiness down our throats. So naturally we feel like we really need to get on with finding someone new...
Because being lonely sucks right? I mean, who wants to sit there all alone, watching Netflix with no one else to talk to once the kids have gone to bed?
I'll tell you who...
But let me be very clear on what I mean by this..
Now don't get me wrong, would I like to have a great guy in my life who I could chill out with in the evenings and enjoy their company? Yes.
And when I think about having that, I do feel a little lonely I guess, and that's OK. And it soon passes when my thinking changes to something else, which it always does.
But are there also many times, where my situation hasn't changed at all, and I don't feel lonely in the slightest. In fact far from it - you'll often catch me dancing around the house as if I didn't have a care in the world. Because I see the beauty and blessings in being by myself, compared to being with the wrong person. And when I'm dancing around the house doing my laundry, I'm quietly thanking God for the peace in my life, because I could just as easily be sharing my home with someone who isn't right for me and having to deal with all the challenges that come with that.
Most importantly, I'm in a healthy relationship with myself.
And what that means for me is that because I've fixed the relationship with myself first, I find it a lot easier to feel content with life, whilst I wait for that special person to you know, fall out of the sky or randomly bump into me at the supermarket, lol.
But the point I'm trying to make here is the importance of being in the right relationship - with yourself.
If you're in the right relationship with yourself, you'll seldom feel lonely, and when you do, you'll be OK with it. It won't weigh heavily on you at all.
But if you're in the wrong relationship with yourself, and you feel like something is missing in your life in order for you to feel happy, then you're always going to be looking for someone else to come along and fill that void for you, in the form of a relationship. Hence you feeling lonely a lot of the time, because that void can never be filled by another person.
You could be in a relationship and still feel lonely.
A lot of women carry this fear of being alone with them throughout their divorce process and beyond.
And it can make something that's already challenging, even more difficult to navigate. But during this process, there's only one person you need to be in a relationship with, and by relationship I mean supporting, loving, caring and being there for someone - and that's yourself.
And once you're happy by yourself - you're in the best possible place to welcome a new relationship into your life and share that happy with someone else.
In the meantime, I'm happy ogling the eye candy on my Instagram feed, until Mr Right makes an appearance 😉
And if you'd also love to get to a place where you're happy and content within yourself first, then my ‘Effortless Relationships’ live, online coaching programme is definitely where you need to be.
As well as regular monthly coaching, you’ll also get access to my 5-Part online Effortless Relationships digital training programme - and for a little taster you can get the first module completely free, by going here: