Some of my clients really want to save their marriages.
They see the good in their partner, they want things to work out and to keep their family together, insha’Allah.
There’s just one small problem.
They can’t stop arguing.
We could have all the good intentions in the world for our marriage, but these could fall apart in a matter of seconds once an argument starts brewing. And before we know it, the argument has gone from zero to 100 and we’re sat there wondering why we’re even bothering to try and save this marriage.
But what makes an argument suddenly go from zero to 100? What makes it explode from a discussion into a full blown argument?
A lot of it has to do the commentary that we have running through our minds as we’re talking with our partner. We listen to their words and innocently believe that whatever they’re saying has the power to make us feel a certain way - most probably hurt, upset and angry. And because we believe that they’re the cause of these feelings during the argument, we then counter attack with our own tirade of not so nice words in order to hurt them back and in the process, make ourselves feel a little better for ‘getting them back’ so to speak.
But if what we could realise that none of our feelings come from what our partner says or does? It sounds quite out there, but what if this were true (and it actually is) and during an argument we were able to focus on what was actually being discussed, on what the real issue actually is, instead of focusing on how we’re being ‘made’ to feel.
If you could look at the issue at hand without your feelings being involved, how much easier would it be to resolve? I’m guessing a lot easier.
Understanding where your feelings are actually coming from moment to moment, and understanding that no one or no thing has the power to make you feel anything; is the key to keeping a discussion much closer to level zero than level 100.
You become much more aware of your own thoughts and feelings and how they could be proving unhelpful in these situations. Your awareness of this helps you to look at the issue more clearly, more logically and therefore reach a resolution more easily.
If you’d like help in working on your marriage and turning arguments down from 100 all the way back to zero, then click here as I’m offering 5 free breakthrough sessions over the next couple of weeks. These will go quickly so click here to book yours in before they’re all gone.