One of my all-time favourite TV shows is The Affair.
Apart from the great acting, it has a unique way of playing out its story-line. The events in the show unfold by viewing it through the perspectives of both the main characters, Noah and Alison. Each episode has a Part 1 and a Part 2, and each part gives you their unique perspective on the same events.
It can be both intriguing and very entertaining to see how differently the story is shown from each person's perspective.
The same event is altered to reflect how differently they recall past events and interestingly, how they see themselves and each other.
Whilst watching the most recent episode I got to thinking about how realistic this actually was.
How could they both have sometimes quite different versions of the same event?
But then I realised that this actually happens to us all of the time, without us even realising what's going on. And it's down to a simple truth about how we actually experience life day to day.
We all go through life living in our 'own world'.
We throw this statement around a lot without realising just how much truth it holds.
Every day, we get up and experience the same things other people do, but we’ll have an entirely different experience of it, because we live that experience through our own thoughts. The very nature of thought itself, means no two people can have the same thoughts, or think the exact same way. It's why we can often watch the same movie as other people, but leave the cinema with an entirely different experience of it. Our thoughts create our experience, so when we're in a particular situation, or we're watching a movie, or having a conversation with someone, we're experiencing it all through our own thinking.
And because of this, no two people can have the exact same experience of something.
So with this in mind, the focus can switch from wondering why two people aren't thinking the same thing, and perhaps even thinking that there is something wrong with one of them because of that; to understanding that everyone will always be living in their own separate reality and it's 100% OK if someone doesn't think the same way we do.
When we stop wondering why someone isn't thinking the same way as us, we end up dropping all of the unhelpful thinking and reactions that we may have previously had - such as frustration, upset, annoyance and anger.
We accept that they cannot think the same way we do, even if we believe it would be better if they did.
The natural consequence of this in our relationships, is that we become better listeners, better communicators and better at just being there and being present with whatever is happening in the moment, rather than wasting our time and energy wondering why our partner doesn't think or feel the same way we do.
We see through the illusion and accept each other's perspectives, rather than being annoyed and frustrated by them.
If you’d like to experience this shift in your marriage and learn the secret to dropping so many of the often unnecessary and unhelpful expectations that we have of our partner and ourselves; then this is exactly what we delve into in my ‘Effortless Relationships’ coaching programme.
As well as live group coaching calls, you also get access to my 5-part online ‘Effortless Relationships’ digital training. And because you’re reading this right now, you can go here and watch the first module completely free: